X-Men class photoI have always surrounded myself with people who at one stage or another, I have called friends but the meaning of friendship and what it entails is not entirely what these people seemed to have been for me on the most part.

Instead they were people I

kept around because it made my unbearables become a little more bearable.

I done what any friend is supposed to, I listened to their problems and attempted to give as much or as little advice as I could. I laughed at their jokes and silliness and I congratulated on their successes. It made me feel safe being with them but I’ve never really felt included or belonged.

In senior school or ‘high school’ if preferred, I surrounded myself with a large group of friends. I wouldn’t say I was popular, in-fact I’m probably more on the loner side… But, I have always been the type of person who can talk to anyone… Well that’s what I thought…

I guess I’ve always been a little behind in typical media-like stuff.

Teen-culture especially was very difficult because I found it hard to follow or understand anything. I remember sitting in our form room on our break and lunch times and sat there listening and probably not including myself into the conversations as much as maybe I should have. My friends, some of them I had known since infancy and some others I only knew during my school life in senior school, would talk about boys especially those boys in Mcfly (whose names I only know because of them). I actually couldn’t stand them or many of the bands/artists they listened to. I wasn’t one of these girls who would sit at the Television watching the MTV or listening to the radio. In-fact you would never catch me wearing a band t-shirt either! I couldn’t, and still can’t, understand the fascination with celebrities and I find it hugely difficult to find anyone attractive let alone some guy whose face is all over the internet. My friends dressed a little different to me too and none of them judged me for it but I found it interesting how they’d wear a somewhat similar style of clothing and I wouldn’t. They all had a pair of Converse in different colours. I hated Converse. I thought they looked a little like the shoes of Ronald McDonald (and im scared of clowns). This however changed until…

His shoes don't even look like Converse!
His shoes don’t even look like Converse!

Everything else changed…

As I mentioned before, my parents split up quite suddenly and this began my journey down the depression escalator. A guy I had been seeing for 18 months was forced to break things off with me because of it and being moved a way from all my friends from home was awful. Yes, I still went to the same school even if it took half an hour drive to get there but this meant if I was ever asked to go out, I couldn’t (not that I would anyway because I had already been driven mad with an issue I didn’t yet understand). I started to dress a little different as well as acting in a stereotypical emo-like manner and my music taste began to develop. By this time, my friends had moved on from these sorts of bands and had started to listen to indie music (a genre I have only recently started to listen to, 6 years later).

School ended and even though we were in 6th form at this point, I began to befriend people from different classes (we went to an all girl school) who I may have never spoken to before. I guess many people did in all honesty; as friendships become a little more harder to maintain. We were all becoming adults and each and every one of us were trying to find ourselves. Of course, I ended up leaving that 6th form and moved to a college to start my A-levels again and met some more lovely people who I enjoyed my time with for the next couple of years.

Away from academia relationships, I had a large group of friends who I saw a lot more regularly. They listened to the same music as me, dressed similar and I had the privilege of sharing some of my most craziest times with. One friend even gave me a pair of her Converse because they didn’t fit her and I absolutely loved them. We partied every weekend. Got drunk and collapsed in all rooms of my house. (The neighbours weren’t so pleased) My MySpace was filled with pictures of us all doing mad things. But in big groups there’s always some sort of friction with someone. There were arguments and most of the time someone would be looking after all the rest of us who didn’t know our limits. I was NOT one of these people. It was a great couple of years or so until the group started to shrink and it has shrunk and shrunk ever since.


I still talk to people from school here and there over Facebook. I take an actual interest in the things they are doing whether it be uni or working or whatever floats their boats. I see the pictures they upload and their statuses and I think ‘wow, I can’t believe this is the same person I used to sit across the table from’. My friends outside of school I’d be lucky to talk to again, I still keep myself up to date with what they’re doing and again I’m thinking ‘wow, I can’t believe this is the same person who would drunkenly pass me another drink and pass out beside me’.

There are many people (amazing people) I wished I had tried a little harder with or stayed in contact with and there’s those who I may never see again but these people in some way or another helped me understand who I am and I’ve shared some amazing experiences with them all.

Now I only talk a little to some of these people, reality has hit me and told me that my group may carry on shrinking but I will still have my memories locked within my nostalgic box kept safely within my brain somewhere. I guess as life goes on I will meet and greet new people who may become a close friend of mine for a while or for the rest of my life… but until then I am happy and content with my small group of friends and if it carries on shrinking then I guess I’ll have to get used to Pingu’s company!

LizzeeBuff Out


Here some Friendsy Shizniz


One thought on “There’s No ‘I’ in Team

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