Welcome to my new series which I WILL stick to this time… hopefully!
So, as you can see, I begin our series in typical fashion! With an A…
and what is A for?
Well first of all, it says it all in the title really doesn’t it?
A is for Anxiety
I am actually glad about this, strangely… I have known that I couldn’t possibly just have GAD… Yes I am scared of everything… Answering the doors, answering the phone… leaving the house… Reasons because I believe that something bad is going to happen to me or my family or someone may even break into my house and steal the dog!
I am quite angry that the doctors hadn’t picked up on it… I tell them constantly that I obsess over everything and when I mean obsess, I mean that I can not for the life of me get rid of the initial thought that I am obsessing about. It’s horrid! It feels like I can’t control my own thinking despite myself from saying “stop,” it doesn’t seem to work. I try distraction by playing video games but something or other will bring the obsession back up! Whatever, it is I am obsessing about, I even try to avoid.
For example, if I believe I have upset someone like a friend, I will avoid them! I won’t text them but I’d constantly check on facebook to see if they’ve tried to contact me. I’d run the scenario over and over in my head and try and analyse it from other perspectives. Eventually, I may up the courage and ask if I had upset them and it never seems to be the case but even then, I believe they are lying.
Lately, I have been obsessing that I may hurt someone close to me. I can’t get it out my head and I become more and more anxious. My heart is constantly in over drive! I go to the doctors and they’re like “your heart is beating really fast”… I’m like “you think…” (I’m scared of the doctors too even though I am hypochondriac). I can’t sleep so I tend to drink alcohol even though I shouldn’t because of my medication…
Anxiety is horrible but in the same way it makes you more weary of your surroundings but I have it constantly and CBT didn’t really help. Lately, I’ve been trying to remember my work on CBT to help me with my OCD but I can’t remember it! So despite me avoiding he doctors like the plague because 1) I’m scared of the doctors and 2) because I’ve had a cold and don’t want to infect anyone or get infected by anyone else or have other thoughts pop into my head that I can’t get rid of and because it gets really busy and I don’t like the feeling of being watched and then wondering what people are thinking of me… Gosh… I could go on… but I do need to go back one day next week so the doctors can up my dosage which they have been meaning to do for weeks now… and I can talk to them about OCD and see whether they can get me some help with CBT again…
Looks like I’m just going to have to be BRAVE!
- B is for Beginnings
- C is for Choices
- D is for Dog
- E is for Entertainment
- F is for FrickFrackForGoodnessSake